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“I Am Who I Am”

Rev. Katherine Todd
1 Corinthians 13:8-13
Exodus 3:1-15

 

1 Corinthians 13:8-13

Love never ends. But as for prophecies, they will come to an end; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will come to an end. For we know only in part, and we prophesy only in part; but when the complete comes, the partial will come to an end. When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child; when I became an adult, I put an end to childish ways. For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then we will see face to face. Now I know only in part; then I will know fully, even as I have been fully known. And now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; and the greatest of these is love.

 

Exodus 3:1-15

Moses was keeping the flock of his father-in-law Jethro, the priest of Midian; he led his flock beyond the wilderness, and came to Horeb, the mountain of God. There the angel of the Lord appeared to him in a flame of fire out of a bush; he looked, and the bush was blazing, yet it was not consumed. Then Moses said, “I must turn aside and look at this great sight, and see why the bush is not burned up.” When the Lord saw that he had turned aside to see, God called to him out of the bush, “Moses, Moses!” And he said, “Here I am.” Then he said, “Come no closer! Remove the sandals from your feet, for the place on which you are standing is holy ground.” He said further, “I am the God of your father, the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob.” And Moses hid his face, for he was afraid to look at God.

Then the Lord said, “I have observed the misery of my people who are in Egypt; I have heard their cry on account of their taskmasters. Indeed, I know their sufferings, and I have come down to deliver them from the Egyptians, and to bring them up out of that land to a good and broad land, a land flowing with milk and honey, to the country of the Canaanites, the Hittites, the Amorites, the Perizzites, the Hivites, and the Jebusites. The cry of the Israelites has now come to me; I have also seen how the Egyptians oppress them. So come, I will send you to Pharaoh to bring my people, the Israelites, out of Egypt.” But Moses said to God, “Who am I that I should go to Pharaoh, and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?” He said, “I will be with you; and this shall be the sign for you that it is I who sent you: when you have brought the people out of Egypt, you shall worship God on this mountain.”

But Moses said to God, “If I come to the Israelites and say to them, ‘The God of your ancestors has sent me to you,’ and they ask me, ‘What is his name?’ what shall I say to them?” God said to Moses, “I am who I am.” He said further, “Thus you shall say to the Israelites, ‘I am has sent me to you.’” God also said to Moses, “Thus you shall say to the Israelites, ‘The Lord, the God of your ancestors, the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob, has sent me to you’:

This is my name forever,
and this my title for all generations.


 

If you spent any time in Sunday School as a child, you probably know well this story of Moses and the burning bush.  It is a beautiful and most surprising story – how God meets with Moses in a bush that is burning but not consumed!  And this story is also most relatable, as Moses makes every excuse he can think of, before accepting God’s call and following in obedience.

It makes me love Moses even more!

 

It strikes me on this reading that a bush that burns, yet is not consumed is what we want from our lives.  We want to burn with passion, energy, ideas, strength, and power…without being consumed.  But alas, quite often we burn until there is nothing left.  We are consumed.  We burn out.  We have long sought out pills and remedies, herbs and vitamins, exercises and regimens, energy drinks and caffeine, gurus and yogis…  But the fact remains:  our energy is limited.  We reach our limits.  And we must refuel.  We must rest.  We must retreat.  We must restore.

But here is God – speaking through a bush, on fire, yet not consumed.

God is that eternal source of energy, of passion, of brightness and hot power.  And yet God does not grow weary or reach the limits.  God does not have to put the cell phone on “Do Not Disturb” and take a break from the masses, seeking God out.

And I don’t know for sure about you, but I have long sought to live beyond my limits.  I have chosen to ignore my own bodily and emotional needs, to serve others.  But we are not God.  We cannot burn that brightly, without being consumed.  God is God and we are not.

And I find this attribute of God most reassuring.  When we sing the old hymn, “He’s Got the Whole World in His Hands,” we can sing that with the confidence, that God’s hands are steadfast, reliable, unwavering.  When we pray at all hours of the day and night, we are confident God hears our prayers.  In whatever state we find ourselves, high on life and feeling good or scraping the bottom of the barrel, God is there for the finding.

Thanks be to God!

 

I am also struck that Moses is in this wilderness precisely because he raged hot with anger.  He burned with passion over the mistreatment of the Israelite people and took matters into his own hands, killing the Egyptian who’d been beating an enslaved worker.  This Moses was a passionate young man, and it got him here – in the middle of the wilderness, alone, and needing to find himself again in running away and a quiet life.  He burned so brightly with rage that he utterly burned out, for decades!  And it takes God – burning hot in that bush but not consuming it – to get Moses’ attention and to set him back effectively on the path of freeing his people.

 

The second thing that strikes me about this story is God’s response to Moses’ question:  “If I come to the Israelites and say to them, ‘The God of your ancestors has sent me to you,’ and they ask me, ‘What is his name?’ what shall I say to them?”  God responds, “I am who I am… Thus you shall say to the Israelites, ‘I am has sent me to you.’”

Now, is this not one of the most vague answers ever?  What does it even mean?
“I Am” is not a name, is it?  …And yet, there is so much this says and doesn’t say about God.

First off, it is not gendered.  Though Moses’ question assumes a male, God’s answer does not.  God is not to be limited by a name.  God is not to be hedged in by our assumptions about a name.  God is God.  God is.  And God is indescribable.

In the Hebrew faith tradition that would emerge from these stories and experiences with God, the people took to calling God Yahweh.  But the name was never to be written with the vowels.  With consonants only, it was a word never to be spoken.  It was considered too sacred to be uttered.  And perhaps they recognized that every name would be too small to hold the God of all the Universe in its meaning.

God’s answer, “I Am who I Am,” refuses to be pigeon-holed.  It is a name that instantly reminds the listener, that God is far and away, above and beyond anything the listener could understand or imagine.  No words are enough.  But God is real.  God is alive.   And God is present.

 

What would happen if we started using these words for God:  I Am?

Would it cause us to pause for a moment?

Might we stop to realize that God is unknowable, God is unpredictable, God is surprising and uncontainable?

Might we step back from our efforts to the control – those efforts that seem so well justified because we are so very sure we are right?

Might our entire positioning…change
When we remember, rightly, that we now only “see, as through a mirror, dimly”?

Might we expect to be amazed and humbled when we finally see the great I AM, face to face?

 

Might we remember humbly,
…That God is God, and we are not?

 

 

Listen to the Song, “Cannot Keep You” by Gungor. 

They tried to keep you in a tent
They could not keep you in a temple
Or any of their idols
To see and understand
We cannot keep you in a church
We cannot keep you in a Bible
It’s just another idol
To box you in
They could not keep you in their walls
We cannot keep you in ours either
For You are so much greater
Who is like the Lord?
The maker of the heavens
Who dwells with the poor
He lifts them from the ashes
And seats them among princes
Who is like the Lord?
We’ve tried to keep you in a tent
We’ve tried to keep you in a temples
We’ve worshiped all their idols
We want all that to end
So we will find you in the streets
And we will find you in the prisons
And even in our Bibles, and churches
Who is like the Lord?
The maker of the heavens
Who dwells with the poor
He lifts them from the ashes
And seats them among princes
Who is like the Lord?
We cannot contain
Cannot contain the glory of Your name
We cannot contain
Cannot contain the glory of Your name
We cannot contain
Cannot contain the glory of Your name
Who is like the Lord?
You took me from the ashes
And healed me of my blindness
Who is like the Lord?

 

 

PRAYERS                     (Iona Abby WB)

O God, you have set before us a great hope that your kingdom will come on earth, and have taught us to pray for its coming;  make us ready to thank you for the signs of its dawning, and to pray and work for the perfect day when your will shall be done on earth as it is in heaven.

 

O Christ, you are within each one of us.  It is not just the interior of these walls:  it is our own inner being that you have renewed.  We are your temple, not made with hands.  We are your body.  If every wall should crumble, and every church decay, we are your habitation.  Nearer are you than breathing, closer than hands and feet.  Ours are the eyes with which you, in the mystery, look out with compassion on the world.  Yet we bless you for this place, for your directing of us, your redeeming of us, and your indwelling.  Take us outside, O Christ, outside holiness, out to where soldiers curse and nations clash at the crossroads of the world.  So shall this building continue to be justified.  We ask it for your own name’s sake.

 

 

 

“Others…in God’s Eyes”

Rev. Katherine Todd
Exodus 1:8-2:10
Romans 1:18-22, 1:32-2:11

 

Exodus 1:8 – 2:10

Then a new king, to whom Joseph meant nothing, came to power in Egypt. “Look,” he said to his people, “the Israelites have become far too numerous for us. 10 Come, we must deal shrewdly with them or they will become even more numerous and, if war breaks out, will join our enemies, fight against us and leave the country.”

11 So they put slave masters over them to oppress them with forced labor, and they built Pithom and Rameses as store cities for Pharaoh. 12 But the more they were oppressed, the more they multiplied and spread; so the Egyptians came to dread the Israelites 13 and worked them ruthlessly. 14 They made their lives bitter with harsh labor in brick and mortar and with all kinds of work in the fields; in all their harsh labor the Egyptians worked them ruthlessly.

15 The king of Egypt said to the Hebrew midwives, whose names were Shiphrah and Puah, 16 “When you are helping the Hebrew women during childbirth on the delivery stool, if you see that the baby is a boy, kill him; but if it is a girl, let her live.” 17 The midwives, however, feared God and did not do what the king of Egypt had told them to do; they let the boys live. 18 Then the king of Egypt summoned the midwives and asked them, “Why have you done this? Why have you let the boys live?”

19 The midwives answered Pharaoh, “Hebrew women are not like Egyptian women; they are vigorous and give birth before the midwives arrive.”

20 So God was kind to the midwives and the people increased and became even more numerous. 21 And because the midwives feared God, he gave them families of their own.

22 Then Pharaoh gave this order to all his people: “Every Hebrew boy that is born you must throw into the Nile, but let every girl live.”

Now a man of the tribe of Levi married a Levite woman, and she became pregnant and gave birth to a son. When she saw that he was a fine child, she hid him for three months. But when she could hide him no longer, she got a papyrus basket[a] for him and coated it with tar and pitch. Then she placed the child in it and put it among the reeds along the bank of the Nile. His sister stood at a distance to see what would happen to him.

Then Pharaoh’s daughter went down to the Nile to bathe, and her attendants were walking along the riverbank. She saw the basket among the reeds and sent her female slave to get it. She opened it and saw the baby. He was crying, and she felt sorry for him. “This is one of the Hebrew babies,” she said.

Then his sister asked Pharaoh’s daughter, “Shall I go and get one of the Hebrew women to nurse the baby for you?”

“Yes, go,” she answered. So the girl went and got the baby’s mother. Pharaoh’s daughter said to her, “Take this baby and nurse him for me, and I will pay you.” So the woman took the baby and nursed him. 10 When the child grew older, she took him to Pharaoh’s daughter and he became her son. She named him Moses,[b] saying, “I drew him out of the water.”

 

Romans 1:18-22, 32 and 2:1-11

The wrath of God is being revealed from heaven against all the godlessness and wickedness of people, who suppress the truth by their wickedness, 19 since what may be known about God is plain to them, because God has made it plain to them. 20 For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that people are without excuse.

21 For although they knew God, they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened. 22 Although they claimed to be wise, they became fools…

32 Although they know God’s righteous decree that those who do such things deserve death, they not only continue to do these very things but also approve of those who practice them.

 

You, therefore, have no excuse, you who pass judgment on someone else, for at whatever point you judge another, you are condemning yourself, because you who pass judgment do the same things. Now we know that God’s judgment against those who do such things is based on truth. So when you, a mere human being, pass judgment on them and yet do the same things, do you think you will escape God’s judgment? Or do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness, forbearance and patience, not realizing that God’s kindness is intended to lead you to repentance?

But because of your stubbornness and your unrepentant heart, you are storing up wrath against yourself for the day of God’s wrath, when his righteous judgment will be revealed. God “will repay each person according to what they have done.”[a] To those who by persistence in doing good seek glory, honor and immortality, he will give eternal life. But for those who are self-seeking and who reject the truth and follow evil, there will be wrath and anger. There will be trouble and distress for every human being who does evil: first for the Jew, then for the Gentile; 10 but glory, honor and peace for everyone who does good: first for the Jew, then for the Gentile. 11 For God does not show favoritism.


 

Can you believe the story from Exodus!?

If you hadn’t heard this story before, there are so many things wrong that are so wrong with this picture.

 

In a classic political move, the new Pharaoh does not have a relationship or connection with Joseph and his family.  So all he sees are TOO MANY of THEM.  He worries.  His rationale is this:  “The more there are of them, the riskier it is for us.”

Does this sound familiar?  Does this bring to mind today’s political strategizing, and political back-room talk?  Does it bring to mind profiling and even voter-suppression?  OTHERS are viewed with suspicion.  Scarcity is one’s view of the world:  more for you means less for me.

 

This is an age-old fear, age-old strategy….yet still so very much alive even today.

I find it alarming that this age-old fear still lives and breathes in us today.  After all, didn’t Joseph show the people way back when that we are stronger together?  Didn’t an Israelite boy, formerly enslaved, formerly imprisoned, save the entire nation of Egypt and beyond?!

And instead of being viewed as the asset that the Israelite people were to Egypt, they were viewed as other, as foreign, as untrustworthy, as a liability.

Does this sound familiar?

 

But this isn’t where it stops.  Of course the new Pharaoh has a plan.  And it’s not even veiled:  kill every Israeli baby boy, as soon as he is born.  Outright genocide, or infanticide more accurately.

It is out of this horrific time in Israel’s history that the baby boy Moses is born.  He is hidden for as long as he can be, and when it becomes no longer possible, he is abandoned – with great care – in the reeds along the edge of the river Nile.  His mother seals a basket with tar, places her baby boy in it, and sends his older sister to watch out for him, to see what would become of him.

Can you imagine this?  The heartbreak of a mother – where child abandonment is the most loving possibility?

I never want to experience such a heart-wrenching choice as hers.

 

But Moses’ life is spared by the compassion of the Pharaoh’s daughter, the daughter of the very Pharaoh ordering infanticide.  She is moved in compassion and decides to save this Israelite infant’s life, raising him as her own.

 

Israel truly has had a dramatic history:  so much strength, so much color, so much pain.  Can we take a moment here to acknowledge the depth of pain in their stories?

 

And in this one story, we have OTHERING, Xenophobia, Political Back-Rooming, and Infanticide.  It’s a play for power; garnering fear in order to remove one’s perceived threats from the playing field.  This is a move as old as time.

And it’s as fresh and relevant as tomatoes grown on our summer vines.  This same strategy is still employed by all our current, major political players.  Is it not?  And though our methods for the removal of others is not always so overt, that goal still in play.

 

America has a long history of OTHERING.  Those original residents of our beloved country were OTHERED and demonized – “savage, barbarians, uneducated, crazy…”  Their demise was rationalized – “we must save them from themselves, we must Christianize them, we must civilize them, we must save their children from their savage and barbaric culture.”  As humans we are so very good at convincing ourselves of the righteousness of whatever-it-is we want to do.

And so children were forcibly stolen from parents and communities.  And the people were outright, systematically butchered.  And then when the bloodshed ceased, America decided to isolate the rest of them, lumping them all in their infinite tribes, into a few tracks of land – without citizenship, without rights, without resource, without representation.  …to this day.

To this day.   

 

The earliest immigrants to America brought unpaid, enslaved workers.  And these persons were the human-power behind the building of this nation.  In our earliest hours of freedom from England and becoming a nation, these words were written and adopted:  “We believe that all men are created equal.”  And even as Thomas Jefferson penned those inspiring words, he worried that slavery – at the heart of the southern states’ success – would destroy the federal union, this new nation he had helped birth.   He intimately knew the contradiction.  His compelling words, those adopted as the heart of this nation, were not being fully lived.  It would become a crisis of national identity and integrity.

Once enslaved Americans were finally set free, local laws were passed to limit the involvement of former enslaved persons in the work of government.  They came to be known as “Jim Crow Laws.”  And these laws stayed on the books for 95 years.  During that time, persons of color were lynched en-mass and disenfranchised, with no accountability or justice.

Once Lynching and Jim Crow laws were finally outed, a new strategy emerged:  literacy.  No one could vote unless they passed a literacy test.  And in the Black community, even professors were being dismissed and disenfranchised as illiterate.  Just like the Pharaoh of Moses’ day, keeping people down was seen as critical to the holding-on of power.  The same goals, taking on ever-new strategies.

And once this new literate-only voting strategy got outed, the criminalization and over-imprisonment of an entire demographic population gained traction in its place.   And if one has been imprisoned, one’s voting rights are then revoked…

 

Do you see a pattern?

 

The holding-on of power has led leaders through-out time to grave evils. 

Scripture has documented this Pharaoh’s great evil.  It has documented grave evils of the Israelite people, of neighboring people,… and the list goes on and on.  The Bible exposes truth.

 

In our passage from Romans, Paul goes on to list all those perceived as evil or bad in chapter one.  Then immediately in chapter two, right when the whole crowd is saying, “Yes, THOSE people are bad,” he changes course and says, “YOU are no different.” 

YOU are no different.

 

Paul holds everyone to account for their sins – for NONE are without sin.

Paul knows how to meet the people where they are.  He knows all the ones folks despise and reject, he knows who the people judge and ostracize.  And he meets them there.  Paul speaks about all THESE PEOPLE, but he does so, only to then shine the light of accountability on the very people doing the judging.

 

After Rachel & Jacob’s son-switch – tricking Esau out of his birthright…
After Naaman’s wife-switch on Jacob – tricking him out of his promised marriage to Rachel.
This letter by Paul to the people of Romans is perhaps the next biggest switch in scripture!

 

Paul – ever the visionary pastor – walks the people into an honest look at their own indictment:  in judging others – they themselves are rightfully judged, since “you yourselves do the very same things,” Paul says.

 

LET US NOT repeat the mistakes of the past.

LET US NO LONGER other those different than ourselves.

MAY WE see other people as the assets that they truly are.

MAY WE choose to believe in God’s abundance, over the lie of scarcity.

AND MAY WE head Paul’s warning – owning our own sins and those societal not-yet-righted sins, and recognizing that we are no different than those we so often and so readily judge.

 

God has given us good guides, good leaders, good teachers.
May we heed their warnings.

MAY WE finally learn from those who have come before,
and regard others as God regards us –

as family. 

 

Thanks be to God!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

 

PRAYERS

Iona Abby Worship Book

God of history, you share our joys and crushing sorrows, you hear the cries of the afflicted, you fill the hungry, and you set free the oppressed.  We pray for the end to all injustice.  Inspire us with the all-embracing love of God, challenge us with the sacrificial love of Jesus, empower us with the transforming love of the Spirit, that we and all God’s children may live and be free!

 

Spirit of integrity, you drive us into the desert to search out our truth.  Give us clarity to know what is right, that we may abandon the false innocence of failing to choose at all, but may follow the purposes of Jesus Christ.

 

Spirit of truth and judgement, who alone can cast out the powers that grip our world at the point of crisis, give us your discernment, that we may accurately name what is evil, and know that way that leads to peace.

 

Iona Abby Worship Book

Creator Spirit, wellspring of our lives, as the refreshing rain falls on the just and unjust alike refresh us with your mercy, who knows our own injustice.  As the stream flows steadily on, defying all the odds of stone and water, flow over every boundary and border that separates us from each other.  As the waters of our baptism washed us and welcomed us, renew us now in newness of life and unity of love.  As we were once held in the waters of our mother’s womb, hold us in the power and peace of your abiding presence.

 

The Council of Churches for Britain and Ireland

O God, since there is no distinction of race and origin, in you we are all one.  Empower us to break down the barriers that still divide us, so that we may work in harmony with each other and with you.

            Iona Abby Worship Book – adapted & expanded

God, write your message on our hearts,

bless and direct us,

then send us out, living letters of the Word,

for we are yours.  Amen.

 

“Alone, to Pray”

Rev. Katherine Todd
Romans 10:5-13
Matthew 14: 22-33

 

Romans 10:5-13

Moses writes this about the righteousness that is by the law: “The person who does these things will live by them.” But the righteousness that is by faith says: “Do not say in your heart, ‘Who will ascend into heaven?’” (that is, to bring Christ down) “or ‘Who will descend into the deep?’” (that is, to bring Christ up from the dead). But what does it say? “The word is near you; it is in your mouth and in your heart,” that is, the message concerning faith that we proclaim: If you declare with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you profess your faith and are saved. As Scripture says, “Anyone who believes in him will never be put to shame.” For there is no difference between Jew and Gentile—the same Lord is Lord of all and richly blesses all who call on him, for, “Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.”

Matthew 14:22-33

 Immediately Jesus made the disciples get into the boat and go on ahead of him to the other side, while he dismissed the crowd. After he had dismissed them, he went up on a mountainside by himself to pray. Later that night, he was there alone, and the boat was already a considerable distance from land, buffeted by the waves because the wind was against it.

Shortly before dawn Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. “It’s a ghost,” they said, and cried out in fear.

But Jesus immediately said to them: “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.”

“Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.”

“Come,” he said.

Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!”

Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?”

And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down. Then those who were in the boat worshiped him, saying, “Truly you are the Son of God.”

~~~~~

 

In this story of Jesus and his disciples,
…after their great meal, the feeding of the five thousand,
…after hearing Jesus’ cousin John the Baptist was beheaded by Herod…

Jesus has had one LONG day, has he not?

 

Any one of these things – hearing evil news of murder of one’s own family member, traveling, unexpectedly working and healing all the sick, teaching the crowds, feeding the crowd – any of these would aloe have made for a full day.

And here Jesus is, dismissing the crowd by himself. 

Notice, he has sent the disciples on ahead of him to cross the sea for a rest.  But Jesus stays back to “dismiss the crowd.”

 

Jesus is the distraction.
Jesus is the feature.

The people are there to see him, and he takes those sacred moments and hours – to the end – to see them,
to be with them,
to heal them,
to teach them.

 

Now, I’d have recommended precisely the opposite scenario.

Of all his crew, I’d guess that it’s Jesus who has had the most emotionally draining day.  HE is the one most in need of retreat, of sleep, of solitude.  I would have recommended the disciples run interference.  In fact, they could have rallied the crowd beforehand and afterward in my book.  They could have saved Jesus’ time and energy considerably, if all he had to do was appear for a measured few hours in the public eye.

But Jesus has done the opposite.

For HE stays behind to dismiss the crowd.

 

Now, this image plays very well into the southern, Christian, stoic woman script I learned through-out my growing years.

As a southern, Christian, stoic woman, you come first and leave last.  You ask what is needed of you from others and not what you need.  You tend to others and not to yourself.  You press emotions and issues tidily into closets, and keep on going.  This describes my grandma to a tee.  Anything less would be selfish, would it not!?

It has only been in the past couple decades that the toxicity of living this script for so long began to reveal itself to me.  I was dying, more and more, to my truest self.  I was co-dependent:  caring for others while expecting them to care for me.  Frustrated but unallowed to be frustrated, the closet doors to my emotions were becoming harder and harder to close and tuck away.

 

Now my wife, on the other hand, was not raised within this American, southern-woman culture.  And she is good at taking care of herself. 

It used to make me really annoyed.

She didn’t play by my internal script.  SHE cared for herself – so she’d be renewed and have more to give.  SHE exercised regularly – taking time for herself.  SHE met up with friends and shared scrumptious meals.

And all of this grated my nerves.

 

Why?

Because I was downright jealous!  I wanted to exercise regularly.  I wanted to meet up with friends and share scrumptious meals.  I wanted to be cared for and to feel renewed.

 

But I had been fed this lie that self-care was selfish. 

I had been fed this lie that loving myself more meant loving others and God less.

I was living in the lie that this world is scarce – that some for me means less for you – and not in the abundance of Christ – that there is enough for both you and me, and that my wellbeing means I have more to give in relationship.

I had a lot to relearn.  I needed to learn her ways!!

 

And so when I read what Jesus does here – staying back alone to dismiss the crowd – I get anxious.  This is where I start to doubt my own self-care because Jesus’s action appears very self-less.

I bring this up to caution those of us who are tempted – like me – to return to those familiar places of guilt and self-neglect.

What we do see however, is that Jesus has more resources for taking care of himself.  It seems he does not need to leave early to head back home by boat, seeing as he can simply walk across stormy seas on his own two feet, at will.  He is not limited by his humanity – by fears and disbelief – he doesn’t sink like Peter; he is living fully within the power and possibility of God.

This plan of sending the disciples away first also affords Jesus the opportunity to be alone, and that is what he does.  He seeks out a solitary place.  He climbs a mountainside and there, he prays.

Jesus has done what he needs.  Jesus is taking care of himself.  EVEN JESUS, needs time alone, in communion with God.

How much moreso do we?
How much moreso do we need time alone?
How much moreso do we need time alone to pray?

 

As compassionate as Jesus is, he does not work through the night, no.   He dismisses the crowd.  He does this personally.  He does this compassionately.  But he does it.  He sends folks away.  He sends them home.

And then he retreats alone to the one place he is truly at home – with his Heavenly Father, with God.

 

This is Jesus taking care of himself. 

This is Jesus taking time for himself.
This is Jesus drinking from the well of living water.
This is Jesus waiting on God, and rising up on wings, as eagles.
This is Jesus setting his boundary.

Though God the Son, Jesus is still in the flesh; therefore, he still needs rest, he still needs solitude, he still needs deliberate times of communion with God.

 

And following this time of renewal,

…he once again seeks out his disciples in their time of great need,
…and once again he shows them a glimpse of the Kingdom of God
– preaching without words, as he walks across the very sea amidst the storm.

 

Jesus preached all the time and only sometimes with words. 

His actions speak the loudest.

And what comes through to me in this story is both his compassion to dismiss the crowds himself, face to face, and his boundaries at setting aside his evening to rest and prayer and renewal.

Some of us find it quite difficult to BOTH have compassion AND set boundaries.
But Love showed us both.
Jesus showed us both.
God shows us both.

 

When we love others while loving ourselves – setting healthy boundaries to take care of our own needs – we most shine God’s own love; we demonstrate God’s love, just as Jesus did on the evening of that very long day.

 

Let us pray.

God reveal to us when we are tempted to think more highly of ourselves than we ought; when we think we can and therefore try to do everything,

as if we ourselves were you,
as if we ourselves didn’t also need to retreat – to be alone, to hike and rest and pray.

God, we truly need you.  Help us to know and to acknowledge our own boundaries and limitations.  And may we honor who you’ve made us to be – limitations and all – by caring for ourselves with tender, gracious wisdom
…just as Jesus did on the evening of that LONG day.

 

In our LONG days, draw us into your presence and speak life into our death.
For we absolutely need you.
Everyday,
We need you. 

 

Amen.